Every single family is flawed. I guess that is not jaw-dropping news because we know that every single human is flawed.
But sometimes our clarity is not there. Sometimes we go about our daily lives waking and slumbering, rising and resting, living and loving...and our focus becomes blurred by the consistency of it all. We hunker down and trudge on thinking that in this moment, in this activity, in this family--all is well. All is normal. All is aright.
For some reason, I picked my head up from it's downward position and looked around. I looked to the left and I looked to the right. Not feeling abnormal or dysfunctional in the slightest. I scanned faces of those near and distant. As I looked at some backs straight and some weary, some faces sober and some with upturned grins, some eyes sparkling and some clouded with unshed tears, I realized that every family is flawed. And I could not help but wonder, who else had their head up that day? And what were they seeing in my family?
No it is not always noticable. Sometimes it is completely hidden. We, the outside, will never see the tears or hear the rumors or sense the tensions. Sometimes it is right there. It is so tangible that you can see the burden on the back of that mom or dad. You can see the guilt, shame, anger or sadness. And although we do not always know it's source, we can indeed see it...if we are looking up.
It is the story in each of us, I suppose. The often untold story. The story that inevitably makes up the thread of our family quilt. In those moments it does not feel beautiful. But flawed or not, it weaves a beautiful tapestry when given to the Master Loomer.
As much as my heart felt heavy when pondering these thoughts, I also felt much connection to those around me. I felt like although our stories may never be shared our burdens are not all together unique. And even though there is not a patch that can be sown over the hurts, there is comfort in a smile of hope and understanding.
8 comments:
HJ you write so well! Beautifully said and I agree with you. It saddens me to know that everyone is going through something tough at one point or another yet, I find comfort knowing I am not the only one. The sad part is, I know where to lay my burdens and the lost do not.
I had a conversation like this with my cousin's daughter over Christmas. She is dating a wonderful guy who comes from a great family and she made the comment that his family is "perfect". I asked her what a "perfect" family looks like and she said "no divorces, no children out of wedlock, no scandalous stories, no alcoholism, etc." But the truth is, although my family has gone through some of those issues, it has brought us closer together. We lifted each other up in those times of trial and we also found more faith than we thought we had. I referred to it as "faith muscle building"
thanks, heidi. i think i'll look up today. :-)
Well said.
amanda, my observation would lead me to believe that the perfect family your cousin thinks exists does not. that's what this post is really highlighting. we think, but we do not know.
we have NO IDEA what inner struggles and demons exist within each heart. some families are forced to let everyone see their flaws because they are impossible to hide. but making them visible actually allows healing to begin much sooner. darkness flees in the LIGHT. it's the flaws that we each carry that we do not show, because we naively think that because no one sees, it's hidden. i don't know a single heart that doesn't have some hidden chambers.
another beautiful post, heidi. and one that we all should be able to relate to.
it reminds me of a specific time in my life where this all became clear to me. maybe i'll write about it someday (too long for here). have a great weekend.
Sounds like it was good for all of us that you looked up today! :-)
Wonderfully written HJ. I smiled at the comment from Amanda. Both of my girls first stepped into dating their guys thinking the other family had it all together. They soon realized that there is no perfect family. I am thankful that they have chosen to look at the blessings that come from both sides of the family and not dwell on the downside.
As a parent I realize that we have created an image in our daughters heads of a certain life. They are at an age where they are now adults and see our faults. I am so thankful that they understand the words forgive and forgiveness. Inspite of the cracks in our family structure, we are very blessed.
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