"I wish" you wouldn't say that....

I realized the other day while showering, (that's where all of my 'good' ideas come to me), that I had not written anything controversial or feather-ruffling for quite some time. Some of you are probably thinking, "Yeah, and I kind of like it that way." To me that means I have either become lazy, boring, or just too main stream. None of which I am willing to admit.

So, without further ado, I am going to tell you something that annoys me. I know, I know, you all have heard what annoys me from previous posts...but did you really think that I have shared it all? Seriously people, there is so.much.more.

I dislike it greatly when people toss out the "I wish" statements. Long gone are the mystical powers of youth when wishing stars and birthday wishes actually held the power of change. Now, wishing just isn't gettin' it done.

First of all, have I said some of these? Dang right I have. If you have not figured it out by now, I only poke fun at, or criticize that which I myself have been part of or am guilty of as well. So you do not need to email me or comment telling me how condescending or thoughtless I am. Because believe me, I annoy myself too.

Here are some examples (but we all have heard many more):

"I wish I were thinner." "I wish my kids behaved in church." "I wish my kids had good manners!" "I wish my house were cleaner." "I wish we spent more time together as a family." "I wish they offered a bible study in my church." "I wish I could stay home with my kids." "I wish I got along better with my mom (insert family member here...)"

If you notice each one is a twisted compliment to the one listening. These statements usually get said when we are defending ourselves unnecessarily against something that we think another does better than ourselves.

-Wish you were thinner? Sorry people, except for the few that can blame it on a thyroid or genetic abnormality, the truth for the rest of us is that we are a fat, lazy nation. We all know, because we have all tried...that there is not a diet pill/wonder-drug that will do it for us. Jenny Craig may have high priced meals and work-out tips but even she can not slap the hand away from the donut cart. Honest hard work and discipline is where it happens, and is unfortunately the downfall of many.

Our other option is to be plump and jolly. My favorite people to be around, are the ones who accept their bodies not OBSESS over them. All of us, even if we do not think that we are fat, would love to redistribute the weight to more desirable areas...but at the end of the day- can you look at yourself and say, "I'm OK with it."?

-Here's a tip. Kids will not become more well behaved in church by sitting on the sofa watching cartoons on Sunday morning. If they are naughty in church take them MORE frequently. If they are naughty in church, discipline them. If they are naughty in church, sit in the front. This is really just an excuse not to go to church. Which if one does not want to attend church that is fine... -just do not use kids as an excuse.

-We have very imperfect children. Because our kids have very imperfect parents. But we try. We try to teach them, love them, and when necessary discipline them. They did not come out of the womb saying "Please" and "Thank You". If you are wanting to compliment me on my children's behavior, I would so appreciate it. But please do not insinuate that it is purely luck that mine can say "please" while others do not.

-Clean the house or hire a maid. Complaining about it while sitting on the computer is not going to get the grime out from under the refrigerator. After I visit my friend, who is a cleaning guru, I immediately tend to make excuses for why my house is less then sterile and highly disorganized. I am learning, and I am trying to keep the excuses to myself.

-Spending time together as a family is not always easy. But no one said that once you had children anything would be easy ever again. It takes planning, commitment, and sacrifice. Without all three a home will continue to be disconnected.

-Wish the church offered more appealing spiritual opportunities? Join the choir, volunteer to lead a youth program, work in the nursery, start a prayer group. Do not blame a lack of spiritual growth on people who do not know what you need. Be active, speak up, take a leadership role.

-Okay...staying home with the kids.

I am not talking about ANY working moms who have been perfectly honest in saying that you like to work outside of the home, as many of my friends do. And I am not speaking of those of you who do sincerely wish that you could stay home, but without governmental assistance or the manufacturing of illegal narcotics from your basement, could not make it on one income. Are we clear?

I am talking about the rest of the people who look at me and say, "I wish I could afford to be a stay-at-home mom like you", while they drive two brand new vehicles, live in an over-priced and over-sized home, take vacations regularly, buy their children every high-end gadget and toy, whose husbands hunt with state of the art gear, and camp in a luxury camper. I am talking about the ones who claim they want to stay home, but then take their kids to daycare on their day off.

Here is a proposition: I will not criticize them for wanting to work, if they stop pretending that they would rather have my job.

-Having issues with a family member? I think we all have one (and just one if we're lucky) family member with whom we wish our relationship was better. I am trying to remember that the chances of me changing are probably higher and I certainly have greater control over that prospect than wishing that they would become more tolerable to me.

"I wish Heidi Jo would be quiet!" I know, that's what you're thinking. Be careful of those "I wish" statements though...they really annoy me!

Follow-Up

Thank you all very much for the supportive response to my questions in reference to beauty routines. I had many recommendations and several people spoke up in reference to the line Bare Escentuals, about which I was inquiring. Some even emailed me with further suggestions and glowing referrals. It is good to know that a girl has resources!

I decided to go ahead and give it a try. After checking many websites that sold BE products (being the Internet saavy shopper that I think I am) I decided to give Ebay a whirl. Why not, right? Possibly save a few buckaroos. Let me just say, what a threeking h.e.a.d.a.c.h.e.

Maybe if I was in the market for a rare Chinese garden rake or a 1980's Jane Fonda work-out tape (which I could probably borrow from JustMom anyway) I might consider this the best site to shop, but not for basic make-up. There certainly was BE products galore. And I, technically, saved some cash. But my time is worth more than the $3.50 I save on blush.

I have been using the Rare Minerals night treatment (it is fabulously simple...I hope it's actually doing something), Arbonne mineral powder foundation (purchased prior to my post/inquiry), BE blush, eye shadow, and all-over-face-radiance mineral powder (now that's a mouthful--or face full).

I am very happy with the product so far. I love the sheer feeling and look of the make-up. My chief complaint with traditional make-up was based solely on the feeling of liquid foundation on my skin, even if it managed to leave me looking smooth, I could feel it settling into the craters on my face and filling up my pores creating a whole new set of issues while possibly covering a few fine lines or blemishes. These products go on so smoothly and cover just as well or better than liquid products. Certainly more evenly.

Another feature that I am loving is the ability to reapply without getting a 'built up' feeling on my skin. If I am heading out in the evening after a long day at home, I do not feel the need to completely wash and reapply from scratch, or just run out hoping I still have some product on my face that has not rubbed off onto one of the many surfaces my face has touched throughout the day. I can lightly buff (a new word in make-up application for me) on a fresh coat and look as good as new. Or at least as good as it is gonna get.

I am still getting used to the 'shimmer' effect. I sometimes see shimmer as a code word for OILY. But, if shimmer/oily is in, than I guess I am willing to glow for fashion. I am still waiting for the ultimate reassurance that this was the right decision...something along the lines of, "Heidi! Your skin looks amazing! You don't look a day over 20." Has not happened yet...but I am hopeful.

If you have any other questions about it, feel free to email me. For now, I would give it a thumbs up. If my face becomes a freakish shade of red and I begin seeing bumps appear...I will let you know--then I will go hide the camera.

Not So Wordy Winter Wednesday

Nicholas

Olivia

Katharine

Andrew

It should really only have remote control

It hardly seems like a sacrifice anymore. I remember when my husband suggested it all those years ago. Way back before we had any children even, was there ever a time? The idea somewhat terrified me, okay, I'll be honest, it totally freaked me out... but I was not about to show my fear to him. If he could do it, so could I.

So, we attempted our first 40-day abstinence of television. I do not recall specific instances where I faltered and failed but I know that they existed as I fail regularly. It was really an amazing thing. It was amazing how much it affected others, as well as us. No one could believe that it could really be done. You mean you can actually turn that thing off? Really? But why would you want to?

I remember hearing comments like, "Oh that's right you didn't hear about this because you're not watching television"...or, "What about the news? You don't even watch the news--how do you know what the weather will be like?"...or, "Chad isn't even watching March Madness?"

This was not only pre-child rearing for us, this was before the time of Internet in our home. No kids, no television, no Internet...? I am sure that I went through a withdrawal, as an addictive personality would...but in time I coped. I picked up a novel, wrote in a journal, took a walk. I prayed. I listened. I changed.

The point is, now seven or eight years later we still offer it up. Every year I feel some anxiety about doing so. Even with the television having little hold on us now, we still see the need to pull the plug. Maybe that is one reason we do offer it yearly, if it could control us once, it could do it again. The hold was broken all those years ago because of this offering...and now it is more of a time to re-evaluate why. Why should some inanimate object have any hold whatsoever on me?

Some of the same thoughts race through my head, "Why am I giving up the one thing that relaxes me? The one hour at the end of the day to just veg?", "This is MY time. I need it!" But those thoughts only provide greater proof that it is indeed a sacrifice that needs to be made. Over and over again.

All about Olivia

Olivia and I put together a slide show from her birthday festivities. I apologize if it is difficult to view due to the floating flowers...not exactly my preference, but hey, it's all about Olivia right now. And she did compromise by letting me keep it black and white.

We did some major celebrating around here the past couple of days starting Thursday and ending Sunday. On Thursday, her actual birthday, we had a family evening of spaghetti and cupcakes, two of her favorites. Friday after school Olivia had two friends over and Nicholas invited one over as well. We spent the afternoon in dress up and laughter. On Saturday we surprised Olivia with her favorite present every year, an overnight stay at a motel. This year we headed north and were joined throughout the afternoon and evening by lots--29 to be exact--of family and friends.

Olivia does not need to be at the center of activity to know that she is loved. She spent the day blending in with all of the faces, but knowing deep within that this was done for her. She reveled in the familiarity of family and friends. You could see in those tired brown eyes at the end of the day the look of genuine security and peace. Thank you to all who helped make our princess feel like the special girl that she is..not just on her birthday, but everyday.

Olivia Sweet Mary is six!

Olivia is the kind of child parents write poetry about.

"She is good, she is kind,

If all could be like her

I'd have at least nine."

Or something like that.

She is quiet (compared to the other monkeys in this house), patient (with me and the other monkeys), self-less, and able to occupy her own mind for hours at a time.

She requests little more than a cup of 'chocky-milk' daily, her blankie when she is tired, and some crayons and coloring books to keep herself busy. She likes the idea of 'collections' of items, but is not very skilled in actually putting them together and taking care of them. She loves odd things like rocks, pieces of broken glass, and broken rosaries.

Her only mentionable fault is a lack of order. In other words she did not inherit my OCD genes as her brother did. And while in some aspects it will serve her well to be more laid back, keeping a tidy room does not fall into her list of necessary functions.

Her creative flair is displayed in its full glory when she chooses her own outfits. Leopard print tops paired with rainbow-striped hoodies topped off with purple pants, red socks and gold shoes. Oh yeah, that feeds mom's need for medication. While dressing is our biggest source of argument, we usually manage to stop pouting, speak nicely, and compromise somewhere along the lines of only two patterns and three different colors, and both socks must match.

We find reasons to love her more and more each day. And today, on the day of her birth we celebrate her and the beauty of God's love breathed into her. She is a rare and precious jewel. We love you miss Lula-Bell! Happy Sixth!

Not so Wordy Wednesday

There's one in every family....right?

Just another family outing. Just another evening swim planned. Just another car ride of poking, pushing, nagging, and threats. We did not expect anything more. Just the usual. We do it once or twice every week. We have gotten quite good at the usual antics.

But this time was to be different.

As we (the parents) walked briskly and the kids not being carried ran ahead to escape the frigid near zero temperatures, I was not all that startled to hear a loud crying coming from in front of me. As is part of the usual routine, I assumed that either Nicholas had beaten Olivia in the 'race' they were having to the doors, thus sending her into loud complaints, or Nicholas had stuck out his foot as Olivia ran by, thus sending her to the ground and into hysterics, or Olivia had cheated and Nic was now wailing loudly of her injustice. Something quite usual...I was certain.

But I was wrong.

Instead, I looked up to see Nicholas running, with what appeared to be genuine tears of pain towards his dad. "What's going on?", I asked, as I was still many feet away. No reply as Chad looked closely at the hysterical Nicholas' face. "What happened?", I ask again..."Did he fall?"

Chad was still very unresponsive, but he looked over his shoulder with what did not appear a genuine look of concern or sympathy. He pointed instead to the flag pole.

Oh no he didn't. Our son, the future president of the United States, did not just stick his tongue on the flag pole. He didn't, really Chad, say he did not.

But the hidden smirk on Chad's face said it all. He did. He really did.

And boy did it stick. Obviously Nicholas was able to rip it off of the pole, but not without leaving many layers and skin cells behind. His tongue and lip were bleeding and he was frantic.

After many attempts at calming him and many trips to the water fountain, and after many questions like, "Will I bleed to death, mom?", I was able to ask him what on earth he was thinking. His response, "I juss wanthed to sthee if it wasth tru. If thyou stickth your tongue twoth a flag pole, would ith stickth...and ith does."

It all comes down to chocolate

Chad asked me the other day if I was going to be his Valentine. After saying, "Yes, I haven't gotten any other offers."

Chad then asked, "What is 'Be My Valentine' supposed to mean anyway?"

Neither of us really had an answer.

Is having a Valentine kind of like having a prom date? All of the popular people do and everyone who does not is left feeling depressed and rejected?

Without playing ANY word games, mind games, or just play double-talking, I can honestly say that Valentine's Day does not hold some magical love invoking spell on me. When I look at Chad and say, "Really honey, don't waste your money on flowers, candy, or cheesy trinkets", I mean it. I really mean it. Anniversaries, birthday's, Christmas, Mother's Day....that is when I am lying if I say, "Oh don't bother."

Maybe every day with my husband is Valentine's Day. Maybe I am showered with so much affection and attention year round that I hardly notice the difference from one day to the next. Maybe the gifts and flowers come so regularly that Valentine's Day is no different than the second Tuesday in April. Or maybe not.

The truth? My dislike for Valentine's Day is all about the boxed chocolates. I have always DETESTED boxed chocolates. It is the Russian roulette of candy eating. The lottery of losers. How much pink goo will I have to ingest before I find a virgin chocolate? Untouched. Undiluted. Undefiled by some nasty-last-year-left-over-Easter-jelly-bean-food-processed-and-put-into-Valentine-boxed-chocolate CRAP.

I have nothing against true love. It's all about the chocolate.

Not so Wordy Wednesday

We interrupt this regularly scheduled "Not-so-Wordy-Wednesday" to make the following announcement:

My daughter's birthday is next Thursday, and I will have the opportunity to shop this weekend. I have NOTHING for her. No ideas for her. When asked, she provides NO SUGGESTIONS. So I am asking you to please think beyond the "Not-so-Wordy-Wednesday" and help a mom out. Olivia will be 6 years old and is very laid-back. Help me please! I really want to get her something special, fun, and thoughtful.

Where Have All The Good Pirates Gone?

It did not dawn on me until I was asked by about the twentieth person (hey, I never claimed to be brilliant), that some of you might wonder where and why my brother has vanished from my blog.

I guess the reason it did not dawn on me is simple. I know where and why he vanished. Now about other of my former readers...I am still wondering. But not "My Bro in ND".

I know that some of you must think that we are having a tiff, a squabble, a falling-out. Over of course my very opinionated views on things like child-rearing, politics, and religion. Right? That has to be it. I drove him away, he ran with his tail-between-his-legs, dragging his blankie and sucking his thumb, looking for mama. He could not take the heat so he left the kitchen.

While my views may sometimes differ from his, I doubt seriously that anything I could say or do would send my equally opinionated and verbal brother running. That is just not the Latunski style.

No, as far as I know...I am not responsible for his absence at all. As far as I know...he still loves and adores me just the same. As far as I know...he still thinks that I am a talented writer and a witty gal. And Shane, even if that last part has changed--just play along with my delusion, would ya?

The truth of my bro's absence is simple. Life. Believe it or not, some people can not just read and comment on blogs all day. The horror. A few major changes in he and his family's schedule...school, work, etc. have left little time for him to chat with me via the Internet. So, while I miss his wit and input terribly, I respect his intentions completely.

Yes, we still talk. Now just in one of my least favorite ways...the TELEPHONE!

Candy Hearts

I have to admit that this is not the candy heart wording I expected for myself...I was thinking mine would say--"Bite Me". Hug me? I don't know about that, but the 'sweetheart' adjective? That's about as accurate as it gets! Check it out and tell me what yours says.

Your Candy Heart Says "Hug Me"

A total sweetheart, you always have a lot of love to give out. Your heart is open to where ever love takes you! Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a surprise romantic evening that you've planned out Your flirting style: lots of listening and talking What turns you off: fighting and conflict Why you're hot: you're fearless about falling in love

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

I looked up

Every single family is flawed. I guess that is not jaw-dropping news because we know that every single human is flawed.

But sometimes our clarity is not there. Sometimes we go about our daily lives waking and slumbering, rising and resting, living and loving...and our focus becomes blurred by the consistency of it all. We hunker down and trudge on thinking that in this moment, in this activity, in this family--all is well. All is normal. All is aright.

For some reason, I picked my head up from it's downward position and looked around. I looked to the left and I looked to the right. Not feeling abnormal or dysfunctional in the slightest. I scanned faces of those near and distant. As I looked at some backs straight and some weary, some faces sober and some with upturned grins, some eyes sparkling and some clouded with unshed tears, I realized that every family is flawed. And I could not help but wonder, who else had their head up that day? And what were they seeing in my family?

No it is not always noticable. Sometimes it is completely hidden. We, the outside, will never see the tears or hear the rumors or sense the tensions. Sometimes it is right there. It is so tangible that you can see the burden on the back of that mom or dad. You can see the guilt, shame, anger or sadness. And although we do not always know it's source, we can indeed see it...if we are looking up.

It is the story in each of us, I suppose. The often untold story. The story that inevitably makes up the thread of our family quilt. In those moments it does not feel beautiful. But flawed or not, it weaves a beautiful tapestry when given to the Master Loomer.

As much as my heart felt heavy when pondering these thoughts, I also felt much connection to those around me. I felt like although our stories may never be shared our burdens are not all together unique. And even though there is not a patch that can be sown over the hurts, there is comfort in a smile of hope and understanding.

I'd have to agree Nicholas

"Mom, if I were going to pick the 20 stinkest people in our house, dad would be 10 of them."

Lent: Call to Conversion

So often you hear talk of what will be 'given up' for Lent. And unfortunately many times it is done in poor taste as the punch line of a lame joke.

Lent is so much more than giving something up. It is so much more than a token obligation to be taken with no more seriousness than a Bugs Bunny cartoon. It is so much more than a 40 day New Year's Resolution. It is so much more than the time when you can get a fish sandwhich for 99 cents.

Lent is about giving and taking. Examining and reflecting. Prioritizing and simplfiying. Refraining and sacrificing. Change and conversion.

What can I offer to the One who gave it all? What can I let go of in my life in order to make more room for Him? What habits have pulled me farther away from the purposes and plans that He has for my life? In what disciplines have I shown weakness that I can now renew and reenergize in order to grow spiritually? What charity can I take on in order to live my Christianity more visiably in order to glorify Him more?

And even in the giving up of seemingly unspiritual things, like pop, television, computer time, chocolate, meat, or coffee, great offerings can be made of those sacrifices in order to more fully understand and marvel at the sacrifice given us, by Jesus.

Lent is what we make of it. Lent is meaningless without understanding. While Lent can be lonely, dry and difficult...it can produce joy, refreshment, and growth.

For help explaining lent to kids see this post: Take a Pit Stop

Looking for some tips

Let me just say...the people over at QVC sure know what they are doing. This is a fairly new discovery for me. As I formerly was one of the many who could not understand the whole selling-products-on-television-with-people-calling-in-because-there-was-only-22,000 of-them-remaining, concept. I just did not get it. But that was because I had never actually watched it.

Like I said, they know what they are doing. And dang are they good at it.

After watching a half hour QVC show, and please do not ask why I was watching QVC...I do not know why--I just was, I realized that I need a new makeup routine/product. I have been what you might call a slacker in the area of skin care and make-up. Not because I am just so tickled with my natural beauty, but because I am lazy like that.

And, I must admit that I feel a certain degree of blessed-ness in my genetic codes. While we are not supermodels, my mom and I, we do have pretty decent skin...minus the annoying moles and large pores. Sorry mom. I guess what I mean by decent skin is--not prone to wrinkle. And everything comes with a price so I assume that the extra layers of fat in our cheeks is what is acting as an absorption of the wrinkles. So choose your poison...fat or wrinkles.

Anyway, I am pretty sure that I am digressing. Back to what I learned on QVC. I need some mineral potions. I watched a show about the product, Bare Escentuals. Knowing nothing prior to this about the new make-up world of mineral powders, this was fascinating to me. Having never been a foundation wearer and not one to rub eye creams, wrinkle goop's, and moisturizing balms onto my skin...the simplicity of just a powder like substance as make-up really appealed to me.

Not being one to pick up the phone and place an order but being much more the one to log on and order, I was pleased to see that you can order the QVC product online as well. It took every ounce of my declining will power not to place an order for the Bare Escentuals starter kit of make-up...and I am not saying that I still may not.

But before I do, I thought that I was put it out there for feedback and recommendations to you all. My ever-willing cheering section and shopping gurus. What make-up lines do you use? What is your skin care regimen? And have you tried mineral make-up? Remember to use simple, layman's terms and write slowly.

What were you doing?

Even if you don't know a blitz from a blind side, or a bootleg from a bump and run, or a safety from a scramble, or a fumble from a formation, or a slot from a split end, or a tailback from a tight end, or a hook-and-ladder from a halfback, or an interception from an interference, or a wide out from a weak side....

You must know that there was nothing better on television Sunday than the Superbowl. Even if we had to watch him....

lose to him.


If you weren't watching that, what were you doing Superbowl Sunday?

Travel Journal-Friday

1-18-08

After midnight

Friday

Today was our last day at sea. We arose super early to watch the sunrise. Unfortunately there was quite a bit of cloud cover. But we enjoyed the peace and tranquility anyway. We headed back to our room and although I could have crawled into bed for a few more hours Chad was up and ready to go. He left for the hot tub and feeling guilty about not going along, I soon joined him. I think we sat in the hot tub for over an hour. It was nice.

After baking so on the first At Sea day, I wasn't sure if I wanted to sit out again today. We did though. I sat beside the pool with my legs in to keep myself cool.

We had to have our bags packed and placed outside of our door by 10PM with only a carry on left for morning. So after our last nice dinner in the Golden Olympian Dining Room, we went back to our room and prepared our bags. Then we headed up to mom and dad's room to share a glass of wine together. Soon after we headed out to find the action. The ship seemed especially quiet tonight. Maybe everyone was packing.

We danced for a bit to a group from the Philippines, "The Bestsellers". Then we sat in the piano bar. Then we headed to the main lobby and danced some more there. It seemed like we made it to each location in time for one song and then the entertainment took a break. It was a nice and relaxing way to end the vacation.

Now we are retiring for the last time on this boat. It has been an amazing experience that I do not think we'll ever forget. As difficult as it was to settle our hearts about leaving our kids, we needed this. We needed to remember why we fell in love. We needed to remember that we can share laughter with one another without it being because of the antics of our kids. We needed to sit beside one another and hold hands for a time. We needed to sleep without interruptions from four little bodies. We needed this.

Now the challenge will be to not get overly anxious about the disembarking and flights home. They are out of my control. But I know that it will take every ounce of my patience to do so.

***Editor's addition 2/1/08
I know, I know you were so hoping that the ramblings of my vacation would be over and gone many days ago. Bear with me.

Because I chose to share the journaling with you I was not really able to reflect on what the whole experience really meant to me. And believe me I could not attempt to do it justice in a blog post anyway. So no fear, you do not have another novel forthcoming.

The care and pampering given to us on this cruise was so amazing. I can hardly wrap my brain around how much it meant to me to be the one that was being catered to. I did not have to ask someone to make up our room, or clean the bathroom. Every time I left my room I returned to a clean environment. In the dining room I did not have to request more water in my glass it was there before I knew that I needed it.

As a mom, a role that I love more than any other, the pampering is sometimes lost. The roles of the stewards in our stateroom, the laundress caring for our fresh linens and towels, the waiters and cooks satisfying our every need...they are roles that I am usually expected to fill here in my own home. I wish that I did them with the same grace and thoughtfulness that was shown to me. For I am doing them for the very dearest and most important of people.

The bottom line is, none of deserve to be pampered the way that we were on this trip. But we are all worth it. And from time to time to be reminded of that is a beautiful thing.

To spend this time away with my parents as well was something that will be in my heart forever. One of the many lessons that my dad has taught me in life is this: It matters not where you go or how much money you spend but who you take along with you. I will take along with me the memories of their faces smiling in love and laughter for the rest of my life.