It's not you, it's me....it's definitely me.

Do you remember George Constanza's perfected relational escape of "It's not you, it's me,"? If not, please go find a station showing re-runs of Seinfeld and enlighten yourself, it is a way better use of time than reading my blog, trust me.

I would have to concur with Mr. Constanza on this one. It's not you, it's me.

Okay, sometimes it IS you, but mostly it is me.

That is what I have been discovering or more truthfully admitting to, in some areas of my life lately. Areas that I would normally tend to find a way to displace the responsibility in an effort to make myself feel better, and to avoid owning up to my own shortcomings. Relationally speaking.

Some soul-searching and Seinfeld watching has lead me to the truth.

It's not you, it's me.

I CAN change myself, after all. Lord knows I have tried the change-everyone-else-route, and have not been very successful with that. So instead of beating my head up against a brick wall that does not seem to budge, I have decided that less headaches will ensue and probably a bit more self-evaluation will emerge if I just face up to the fact that it's me.

It is definitely me.

And people say you can't learn anything by watching television.

My dear Olivia Mary

What can I say about a little girl who is quickly becoming a young lady? There is such a beauty within her that it is impossible to look at her and not see it radiated through her face. Her love of family is probably her most admirable trait. She genuinely, albeit quietly, thrives on the togetherness of our family unit. And in her own way, she lovingly mothers her siblings in a way that astounds me. She is all that I wish I could be in terms of patience. I am so thankful that what she naturally possesses, I haven't somehow spoiled through my own lack of patience with her.

Elli thinks that Olivia hung the moon. She is never more at peace or joyful than when in the lap of her oldest sister. And likewise, Olivia rarely looks more beautiful or content than when Elizabeth is nestled in her lap with a book and a blankie. Elli calls her sister, "Aiya"---hearing the ending sounds of her full name. She walks around the house throughout the day singing a little song with the names of our family in it...but usually gets stuck like a skipping record on the words "Aiya". As if softly singing them to herself will make her beloved sister magically appear.

Olivia has found her place in our large family and made her quiet voice heard through her talents and abilities. We are so amazed by her willingness to try new things despite her more reserved personality. As she sits at her piano and gently plunks out tunes that she is learning, I am in wonder of where the little chubby cheeked toddler has disappeared to and when this lovely young lady came to take her place.

She is truly a joy in my heart. She is so many things that I am not....and much more like her dad in many ways, that's probably why I like her so much. So while many times my understanding of how she is feeling and what motivates her is not nearly as in tune as it may be with some of the other kids, I know that one thing always gets straight through to her....LOVE. A full-on embrace that wraps her completely in my arms is all that it often takes to bridge the gap in our personalities. She has taught me so much, and I still have so much to learn.

Happy Ninth Birthday to my amazing young lady!

What's love got to do with it?

So all month I have been meaning to sit down here at my computer, take a few quiet moments to reflect and then verbalize in written form the deepest feelings of my heart about the people for whom I have so much love.

And here it is....days before Valentine's Day and I've got nothin'.

Somewhere between the intersection of Good Intentions Boulevard and My Reality Avenue I got lost. And although I know that being a wife and mother doesn't always allow for extra moments of creative inspiration I can not help but feel like I could have done more.

But instead of beating myself up about what is not, I am instead attempting to see this in another way, the way I am sure that God wants me to see it. Maybe flowery words and sweet sentiments didn't roll off my tongue in excess so far this month. But when I make the pancakes, wash the bedding, run to and from practices, and help with homework, I am trusting that they will feel if not understand that LOVE has everything to do with it.