Sometimes I think that the weather says it best

*(Today is our 10th anniversary, and while I would love to post on that, I had to preempt that to write about the first days of school. If you are reading, Chad, Happy Anniversary!)


Yesterday was the first day of school for Nicholas and Olivia, today is the first day for my baby Kate. As we bustled about our home, eating, dressing, scurrying...there was little time to pause and reflect on how we felt and what we would be starting.

But as I walked out the doors of the kids' school somewhere around 8:45 AM, and I saw the heavy haze of fog and felt the damp coolness of the humidity, I realized exactly how I was feeling. There it was represented in the earth around me. Almost as though it was mourning, in a small way, the end of the summer laughter heard as kids splash in backyard pools.

Of course there is always joy and excitement felt in the anticipation of a great year of school. The smells of freshly painted halls, the rubber of erasers, the newness of folders and notebooks, the squeaking of new sneakers, all of the sounds and smells that play with our emotions. The kids felt it all, from the butterflies in the tummy to the sparkle in the eyes. No, I was not heartbroken or sad. Just reflective.

So, we start. Here it is in photographs. Our first days of school.


The backpack line up.


Olivia's first grade teacher, Mrs. Johannsen. (taken at the open house the day before school started)


Nicholas' second grade teacher, Mrs. LeFleur. (taken at the open house the day before school started)


The first day picture from the front yard.


Nic rode his bike to school with his best friend Aaron.


Olivia and her friends.


Dad and his boy.


Olivia meekly makes her way into the gym during the "clap in".



Nic shows confidence in being a 2nd grader.


My beautiful crew.


Enjoying some refreshments with Johnny. Andrew and Kate are welcomed by all.


NEW SHOES!!


Da boyz of 2nd grade...with Andrew.


Olivia with her best friends, Kate included.

Sisters on Kate's first day of school

Katharine outside of preschool

Kate with her preschool teacher, Mrs. Poncelet

Dear Jesus,

Be with my children as they leave my home. Protect them, guide them, guard their hearts and minds. Fill both their teachers and them with the wisdom of the Holy Spirit. May their teachers be blessed as they work to educate both their minds and hearts. May the greatest lesson they learn be to follow after you with all their heart. Direct their hands and feet that in all their activities they bring honor to your name. Help them to be respectful, encouraging, humble, patient and kind.

Help Nicholas to persevere even when it becomes challenging, help him to feel pride in his work without the need to compete. Help him to speak to others in a way that is pleasing to you, Oh Lord.

Give Olivia the courage to stand up for what is right even when it isn't popular, help her to develop friendships and to be the kind of friend that builds others up and never tears them down. Give her confidence in her abilities and humility in her success.

Lord, open the heart of Katharine to the learning and friendships she will encounter. Help her to remain patient and obedient even if she becomes frustrated or angry. Give her the joy of the Lord in every situation and help her teachers to see that joy as it bubbles forth in her classroom.

Bring each of our children close to your heart. Help Chad and me to pray daily for them and their education. Help us to model a holy life in our shortcomings and strengths. Be with our family in these days of change and draw us ever closer to you.

In your name,

Amen

People let me tell you....

I WATER SKIED!!

I will just let that sink in for a few moments....

I WATER SKIED! The girl who has an aversion to lake water. The girl who nearly hyper-ventilates at the thought of treading water with turtles and fish swimming below the surface. The girls who hates to have water in her face. The girl who has the swimming skills adequate to pass Level Three Swimming Lessons. The girl who has the upper body strength of a seven-year old boy. I WATER SKIED!

Now, I would not usually encourage bragging. Obviously not. But people, this is huge. But the reason that I am walking around with an enormously stupid looking grin...I got up right away. And skied around the whole lake, before having my husband slow the motor and I delicately sat down in the water. Oh yeah, baby. I am a natural.

So, I think that I will just make that my first and last attempt at it. Just in case it was beginners luck.

Just call me Wendy

Well it was a weekend blitz of birthday bashes. Both myself and my mother-in-law had birthdays to celebrate. Sunday afternoon we had a wonderful time celebrating with her and a whole passel of family. There is never a shortage of food, laughter, good-natured teasing, and wild and wound up children when we gather together. My father-in-law took the opportunity to bring out one of his old John Deere tractors and take the crew on a fabulous hayride. Something I have enjoyed since childhood. It was a beautiful day honoring a very special woman.

Happy Birthday Joyce!

As I mentioned, I also turned another year older this past week. And in the years gone by I have always wondered if this would be the birthday year that I felt it. Ever since I married, but especially since I have had children, I have been waiting for that moment. The moment when I would suddenly feel like I assumed my mother must feel. Responsible, mature, grown-up, motherly. With each year that passed I knew that my body was aging, oh brother did I. But I was waiting for my soul to age.

Well, this was not the year. I still feel like the little girl that I see in pictures. Sure some days I wonder why I have a house to clean and children calling me mommy like they expect me to understand why the universe keeps spinning, but deep inside I feel like I have not aged. I guess it is a Neverland thing.

I finally asked my mom one day when she really felt it. When did she really get that she was the mom, the wife, the grown-up. She smiled her beautiful smile and said, "Heidi, I never have." And you know, I should have guessed that. The twinkle in her eyes, the lilt of her laughter, the exuberance for life. They are not the signs of an old soul. Just a wise one. My birthday wish this year was different. I am not waiting for a moment any longer. Instead, I am choosing to live in the moment now. Young soul and all.

Oh my good intentions

Tell me that I am not alone. Tell me that I am not the only mother who starts the summer with a plan of action. A mission. To keep the children on some sort of routine and practice school work with them at least periodically throughout the week.

I started so well. Like always. They each had a folder, we had simple math sheets, spelling words, and coloring pages to complete. And for at least four or five days we did them. Regularly. Then what always happens, happened. Something much more exciting, thrilling, and deserving of our time caught our eye and off we went. To the pool, to the beach, on a bike ride, for a walk, to visit grandma....on and on we went.

On to ball games,

camp fires,

beach parties,

tube rides,

motorcycle rides,

days at the beach,

and endless hours on the boat.

Well, here we are. Just days before I am to send them off to school again, and I am left wondering if they still know how to spell their names. And as part of me deals with the enormous amount of mother guilt, another part of me thinks that while I certainly could have and should have done more in the way of school work with them, I would not trade one moment of splashing, laughing, cuddling, movie watching, .....living, even if it would make the teacher's job a bit easier.

The school already kidnaps my children for nine very long months. For 7 1/2 very long hours a day. For five very long days a week. Yes, I could have done more. But what we have been doing sure is fun.

Pardon my insecurities

While visiting with a friend just the other day, I said something that I very much dislike to hear.

We were talking about our daughters and the hair routines and drama that we face. She mentioned casually the time it took to curl and care for her daughter's hair and before I could even stop myself, I said it, "I just do not have time to do that."

Now I am FAR from perfect. I am a work in progress. And I try to acknowledge every and any improvement in my behavior, as the improvements are far and few between. But immediately after the sentence left my lips, I stopped myself and the conversation to say, "That's not true. I did not mean to imply that you somehow have much more time than I do. I just don't do it. Period."

Now I know, some of you are probably thinking, "This is a lot of hype over something so trivial." But really it is not trivial. It is just one of the many word games that we women play with each other on a regular basis. And the sad thing is that it becomes so natural to respond in these ways that we do not even realize the offense or damage that our words can inflict.

What my response to my friend was saying was just that... she has far more 'free' time to do frivolous things, like curl her daughters hair, than do I. Implying that my time is spent on much more necessary things. So either my friend does not have as much to do as I do, or she wastes her time on unnecessary acts. Now I do not feel this way. The very notion of me using my time better than her is laughable. Seriously laughable.

The thing that I really meant and should have said, but it requires a great deal more humility than my first choice was this: "I simply do not possess the time management skills and discipline that you have, my friend. I find such silly ways to waste those extra minutes of my day."

It has nothing to do with our daughters' hair. If I had all the time in the world I still might not curl my daughter's hair. But I do know that it is not a matter of time. Because believe me I am wasting precious minutes just typing this.

I have had this reversed on me many times. And while the people saying it to me probably mean no more harm than I did to my friend, it does not change the way that the words affect us.

I have a very L.O.N.G. and opinionated view of why we do this to each other and why we do not even realize that we are doing it, but you can rest easy and have another cup of coffee...I will spare you the agony of hearing me ramble further.

I will just say that much of our own speech and defense come from our own insecurities about the job we are doing. And in order to defend why we do not do something we often feel the need to criticize, even if subtly, someone who does.

My friend, I hope you know that I love you. And I think that the time that you spend on your family and friends is remarkable. Period.

Some things you probably never wanted to know about HJWDYK...

I DO NOT LIKE BANANAS. IT IS NOTHING PERSONAL, IT IS ALL ABOUT THE TEXTURE. THAT IS WHY I DO NOT LIKE JELLO OR TAPIOCA PUDDING EITHER.

THE DIRTIEST PLACE IN MY HOUSE IS PROBABLY THE TOP OF MY DRYER. ALL THE SOAPY RESIDUE MIXED WITH DRYER LINT...YUCK. I HATE CLEANING SOMETHING THAT IS SUPPOSED TO CLEAN SOMETHING ELSE. WAIT, MAYBE THAT IS NOT THE DIRTIEST PLACE, MAYBE IT IS THE DISHWASHER.

NONE OF MY FRIENDS WANTED ME TO START DATING CHAD.

THE CURTAINS ON MY BEDROOM WINDOWS MATCH NOTHING I OWN. BUT THEY WERE HERE WHEN WE MOVED IN, AND I DO NOT FEEL LIKE CHANGING THEM.

I DO NOT FILE OR CLIP MY NAILS, I USE MY TEETH.

I DID NOT START WAXING MY EYEBROWS UNTIL LAST YEAR.

AS A KID, I ONCE PUT LIPSTICK AND BLUSH ON ONE OF OUR WHITE RABBITS.

SUNDAY IS MY FAVORITE DAY OF THE WEEK.

I WAS A DISTRICT OFFICER IN FFA. MY BEST FRIEND WAS A STATE OFFICER. WE WERE ARE SUPER COOL.

I HAD A MAD CRUSH ON KURT CAMERON AS A GIRL. I STILL THINK HE IS CUTE.

I WAS NEVER IN BAND. WHICH WAS ODD IN A SMALL SCHOOL.

I ONCE TOOK LINE DANCING CLASSES WITH TERESA. WE COULD BOOT SCOOT WITH THE BEST OF THEM.

WHEN I WAS A YOUNG GIRL I DREAMED OF BECOMING A FOOTBALL PLAYER LIKE HELEN HUNT IN THE MOVIE, "The Quarterback Princess".

CHAD AND I OFTEN PLAY CARDS OVER HIS LUNCH BREAK.

I STILL LET ANDREW RUB MY TUMMY TO FALL ASLEEP.

WHEN I DRIVE ALONE, SOMETIMES I TALK TO MYSELF...OUT LOUD.

I HAVE A FEAR OF FALLING AND CHIPPING MY TEETH. THEY WERE EXPENSIVE, RIGHT DAD?

I DREAM OF WHAT WE WOULD DO IF WE WON THE LOTTERY, BUT I HAVE NEVER BOUGHT A LOTTERY TICKET.

WHEN I AM NERVOUS OR ANXIOUS MY NECK TURNS RED.

To last a lifetime

A long time ago, in a rental house far, far away, a beautiful (that is part of my positive affirmation language) young bride cuddled closely to her handsome and youthful husband on their hand-me-down sofa. They did not know at the time that this would become a thing of the past in the not so distant future.

As they lazily spent the evening in each other's arms they spoke of useless things uninterrupted. They dreamed of what their life together would become. Where would they live? What would they do? What kind of home would they live in? When would they have children? How many children would they have? How frequently would they vacation? But mostly they dreamed of moments like this lasting forever.

Okay, fairy tale over. In truth, I hardly remember what exactly was spoken in all of that free time together. Good grief, we must have been lazy! So much wasted time just lying around loving each other. We probably made out a lot more back then. One thing does stand out, however.

I remember in those long talks of futures unknown, that both Chad and I were completely in sync about the importance of family ties. Even before the birth of our children we knew that living near our parents, the grandparents of our soon to be family, was high on our list of priorities. Certainly there was much to consider, and finding a job in which Chad would be able to support us in a manner that was responsible without sacrificing our highest priority, me staying home to raise our children.

For us, there is little that can usurp the benefits of living near our extended family. And even though many days the 85-90 miles that they are away feels about 80 to many, we know that in reality they are just a short drive away. A drive that we have vowed will not take us farther without a direct prompting from God.

There is little that we can give our children that will last their entire lifetime. The video games, cute clothes, fun vacations and endless toys will be all too soon discarded and forgotten. But the hours of being surrounded by the people who love them more than anything are a gift that can not be matched, and certainly will not be forgotten.

It has not always been the easiest thing for us to do. It has required sacrifice, adjustments, priority reorganization, but it has been worth it all. And sometimes it moves me to tears just thinking of the legacy we are giving them, God has given them. One day many removed from now, our children will be gathered around their tables looking into the faces of their own children, and I pray, I truely pray that there is a place set for Chad and I...at least once in a while.

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