For the New Year

Resolutions and I do not mesh well. Probably for the same reasons that they do not seem to work well for most. Those of us with less than stellar self-discipline tend to be overwhelmed by the mere mention of a 'resolution' and end up instead floundering about in a sea of un-accomplishments.

There have been some successful resolutions in my life, but for that to be the case, there needs to be the great 'click' that occurs when I just GET it. I recognize and then accept that this is indeed the time for a great change. But sort of like an earthquake in South Dakota, it is not a frequent occurrence.

So instead I have made it a habit of reflecting, not resolving, as the year comes to an end. A time to ponder what was and hope for what is to come. That is what I am doing now. That is where my mind and heart are in these final days of December Twenty Ten. I am remembering all the good. I am mourning all the bad. And as always, praying for guidance and strength to change what I can and accept what I can not....and of course the wisdom to know the difference.

Did you have yourself a merry little Christmas?

I know we did.

All 16 grandchildren were together along

with Grandpa and Grandma,

and even Great Granny Helen.
(the weekend prior to Christmas)

Christmas at home

One small Christmas miracle after another.

Kate's ecstatic reaction to her Lady Bug pillow pet.

My gift of greatest joy.

Christmas at the Farm.

Ending the year with a BANG!

Chad's sister, Laurie, and her family.

Chad's brother, Brian, and his family.

Our gang.

Christmas in Clark.

Andrew doesn't mind being in the middle of the girls.

Sledding tradition.

Uncle Shane carries up a cold sledder.

A Christmas Angel.

Mom with her favorite son-in-law.

All the single pretty ladies.

Daddy's angel.

Walking in a Winter Wonderland.

may each day be Christmas

I wanted to post something today that was very merry and bright. I wanted to fill up my blog with all of the joys that come with the week of Christmas. And then I clicked over here.

And I realized that this is what I want to say....or at least want you to hear or read. It does not diminish the merriment or the brightness that is Christ. It illuminates it greater than any picture of my child in a Santa hat ever could.

So please take a moment to read Chad Arnold's blog entry at his site, "Come to Far."

As I am celebrating with my family, I pray earnestly that this message is with me, and with those that I love. And that this story remains with me through a deeper realization and understanding of the brevity of this life, cherishing the moments....all of them.

Praying that Christmas is everyday in your heart.

Lost it.....and lovin' it

This mothering gig is an emotional roller-coaster and a bit more complicated than one might assume upon first glance. And no, I did not JUST realize that. But as with everything in parenting, the clarity of such sentiment is a constant ebb and flow.

There are so many missed messages blinking on my internal voice mail that I do not know whom or what to listen to sometimes.

If I hear one more time about the danger of 'losing oneself' while mothering, I may just strike something. Losing myself? I can't even find the matches to our socks, how in heaven's name can I be trusted NOT to lose myself? I imagine that the intellectual that thought that up has flat lined in the emotional IQ department. The only possible way NOT to lose myself with the people whom I love, would be to remove my heart from my chest. My very objective in life is to lose myself. Less of me, more of Him. Personally I do not see any other way.

And here is the thing: the less time I worry about what I want and what makes me happy and what my favorite things are and what I would do with my time if no one made demands of me, the more I realize that I never knew what that was in the first place. Lose myself...really? Is that the biggest thing I have to fear while mothering? Please people, if you find Heidi wandering around somewhere DO NOT GIVE HER DIRECTIONS BACK HERE. We are quite happy with the lady running the house who has totally LOST it.

What is it that you are seeking?

Have you found it?

What you seek, you will find. We humans are very goal oriented people. At least the large majority of us. We think about what the end result could/should be and we press on with that as our focus. But what we sometimes forget or fail to understand at all is that how we get there, is where we arrive.

Think about a car trip with your family. Perhaps something as simple as going to church. Of course the goal in attending church is to fulfill a Christian duty while prayerfully spending time with Jesus. But how do you get there?

Do you hear yourself complaining, semi-audibly, that no one seems to know how to dress themselves around here, and it’s a wonder you have time to even brush your teeth? Do you ever find yourself losing patience at the littlest people in the house because the coat you have asked them to get on three times lays on the floor by the door? Do you find yourself rolling your eyes at your husband as he goes through the house shutting off lights while preaching the need to be more responsible when your family is already late, and obviously not listening? Do you find yourself snapping at the silly questions brought up by kids because you are trying to remember if you shut the coffee pot off? Of course you don't. This only happens in my house.

How do you arrive at church? Unsettled, impatient, frustrated, and weary?

This Advent what has been your goal? What and where do you hope to arrive at when the final Advent candle is lit? A deeper sense of peace? A renewed spirituality? A more patient and waiting heart?

How does your journey look? Are you heading into the last weeks before Christmas with thoughts of peace, tranquility, spirituality and patience? Or are your thoughts consumed with lists yet to be completed? Housework to finish before guests arrive, cookies to be baked to give out as gifts, presents to be purchased or wrapped? When you fall into bed at night is your mind at peace and rest, or busily planning your next waking hour?

How do you want to arrive? Do you want to rush into the stable on Christmas morning, out of breath and disheveled, quickly pay your respects to the new King, while letting Him know that it has taken a definite cut into your time and planning to throw this stop in to the many others you must make?

Or do you want to walk peacefully, quietly, and prepared into that stable. Maybe even standing back and watch in silence as the Holy Family draws close to one another. Do you want to sit in adoration and just soak in the beauty of the miraculous life that was born, only to be offered one day for your own?

What are you seeking? Has your journey brought you to your goal? What can you do, starting tonight to make how you get there, where you want to arrive?

Field research

So much of the battle in parenting can be eliminated if we just know our children. Some of you just uttered an audible, "DUH!" Admit it, you did.

I know, that sounds simple enough right? Of course I know my kids. I did give birth to them after all, and it really doesn't get much more intimate than that. But I mean, really know them. Like what they most dream about, what triggers their otherwise joyful personality, what are their individual signs and symptoms of exhaustion, what do they fear, what they have a very low tolerance for...that kind of know.

Still many of you could honestly say that you have it nailed. This isn't such a tough assignment for us all. For me, however, it requires a great deal of daily exploration, memorization, tuning in and listening up.

With every child the variables range from one extreme to another. Triggers come in forms easily recognizable and not so much. Where I can easily walk with one I must tiptoe through the mine field with another. I am not complaining. Heaven's no. I did after all fully participate in the co-creating of these creatures. And of those that I have I do not think that I would return any of them even if I could. At least most days.

But it does require a great deal of research. Chad is quite amazing at tuning into their needs as well because he spends an enormous amount of time talking to them...especially in the evenings in the quiet of their beds. Just visiting and sharing. But because his major role in our home is to be our provider he is not able to dedicate the same amount of time and energy to these discoveries, as am I. So as part of the team I do my best to organize my field research and scouting reports so that I can share my findings with him. And together we devise game plans that best suit the individual personality of each child.

We learned so long ago that what one responds to for discipline could not simply be applied universally to all. Parenting would be so much simpler if that were the case, but not nearly as thrilling or challenging.

Each and every day I am discovering more about my children, more about myself and the limits that I put on all of us because of my own weaknesses.

I often think about life 'after' the kids are little. You know, the time when people start wondering what you are doing all day if your kids are in school and you are not employed by someone willing to pay you for your services.

Then I think about all that I have to learn. All that they will still need from me. All that they need us to be for them, so that they can become who they are meant to be. It can be mentally exhausting. I do not know what that time in our life will bring, but I know that I am going to use this time wisely.

Excuse me while I go gather some more research.

My little Christmas ornaments

~Elizabeth Jo~

~Katharine Anne~

~Olivia Mary~

~Sisters~

~Andrew Chad~

~Nicholas David~

~All the boys & girls~

~I loved the look in sepia too~

Some really important stuff that I learned from Grandma

1. Stand up tall. Physically and in character. Everything looks better on a tall person.

2. Only get snippy with those that love you enough to handle it, and will forgive you.

3. Walk slowly with a child or you will miss the wonder with which they see the world.

4. Grandma's will always see things your way. That's why they are your grandmother, not your mom.

5. Some of life's greatest conversations are shared in the quiet moments before bed.


6. You are NEVER too old to sleep next to grandma.

7. A little animal print goes a LONG way.

8. Flattery will get you everywhere.

9. Laughing at our imperfections is the quickest way to feel better about yourself.

10. Whispering in church is okay, especially if it causes you to giggle.

Thanksgiving....w/ a pop of color

I confess to Almighty God, and to you my brothers and sisters: That I decorated my house PRIOR to Thanksgiving. Deal with it.

Is anything cooler than swinging in the hay loft? Not to a city kid.

Four of my five helped Grandma do chores in 4 degree weather.

(That's not factoring the windchill!)

Nic got this T-shirt for his birthday. Yes that is a chocolate lab on the front.

And no, he hasn't wanted to take it off!

HUGE NEWS! Nic shot and killed his first two geese! He turned 10 on the 23rd, allowing him to mentor hunt with his dad. They went out the Friday following T-giving, and he scored his own two geese. Completely alone. If you don't know how difficult that is....ask your husband. He's TEN people!

Charming some ice cream from Papa.

Seriously....is any caption necessary?

I told you it was a Mexican Fiesta! We celebrated one traditional, and one a bit quirky.

Feliz Dia de Gracias! And yes, we're just odd like that.

Feeling pretty good after his big hunt!

And the pop of color!

Ole`!