Such a fashion-wanna-be-sta

I am such a fashion nerd. I mean, don't get me wrong....I try. And I so want to succeed. So if the wanting and trying count for anything, I am half-way there. But really, I am just a fashion-wanna-be-sta.

I love the colors and textures and patterns and layers and sparkles that fashion presents. And I love even more when it is all paired just perfectly with a pair of great boots and a hobo bag. But the pairing of such items is where I flail around like a fish out of water.

I have always loved the opportunity to dress for an occasion. And when I leave the house, it IS an occasion, folks. So when I venture out, on some occasions, perhaps I over-dress for a trip to the grocery store. But most hours of my day, I can be found in a pair of pajama pants, slippers, and *ahem* no bra. (So sorry for TMI) When duty calls me from my castle, I like to dress like the other working women.

Ya know what would be wonderful? A closet genie! One that would pull together the cute pieces that I have acquired over the years and poke her chubby hand out of the closet with a ready to wear outfit ripped right from the pages of a J.Crew magazine. Ooh, wouldn't that be awesome? Or maybe, adult garanimals.

I have never considered myself to be self-conscious, yet confidence is precisely where I fall apart in the fashion world. It takes a very sure of herself lady to pull off, or let's be honest...even attempt, some of the trends walking about the streets of New York City or seen in the pages of fashion magazines. I can't even put on a scarf without feeling totally conspicuous.

Here is the thing though, I enjoy the trying. So what if every outfit is not a success? So what if the guy who refills the milk cooler thinks that the thing around my waist looks more like a girdle than a belt? I can handle it. I am a wanna-be-sta and proud of it.

And so it is

My previous post was not meant to be a modern day Abraham bargaining with God...."If there are but 10 righteous men, will you save this city?" kind of post. I was not seeking sugary sweet comments about how deeply I move you and how desperately you wish for me to stay. But that sure was a nice bonus, I must say. I certainly was not looking for anyone to beg me to.

However, the nice things that so many of you said....wow! Thank you. Really, thank you. I am humbled. But by the grace of God, go I. I pray that those thoughts and feelings came from a sincere connection that you have felt through something I have written, and not from a sense of obligation due to my post's content. Either way, you can't take it back now :o)

Some questioned as to whether I had faced a threatening presence out there in cyber world. The only threatening presence I have ever faced comes in the form of The Enemy. And he uses any means given, cyber or otherwise. But specifically in regards to my blogging, no, no one nor anything has made me feel the need to withdraw.

My main purpose in presenting that post, was to see if there really was any reason NOT to go private. If the readers were the few that commented then I figured that to err on the side of caution would perhaps be wise. But, if through a lame attempt to force the shy readers to speak up, I found that I indeed have a larger audience that wishes to remain quiet...then remaining open would be fine.

As with every aspect of my life, I try to look at my blog one day at a time. And even if the topic must be readdressed at another time, right now the time is to remain. As is.

"If there are but 10 blog followers, will you save this blog?" Yes, yes I will.

Should I stay or should I go?

I really dislike it when people use their blog or Facebook to be all overly dramatic. I know what 'overly-dramatic' looks like, because I have done my share of it. You have seen it too, posts about shutting down a blog or deactivating a Facebook account for this reason or that, usually an attempt to get a dozen or so comments begging the author to "PLEASE DON'T GO!"

I hate false modesty.

So here I go. I love writing. If you have read my blog for even a few minutes, that should be clear. I enjoy composing my thoughts into something coherent and hopefully sometimes very ratable, whether that be my feelings on faith, family or the Flintstones. I do not write because I get paid to. I do not write because I love to hear praises sung about my talent. I do not write because it is a great way to stay connected with my extended family and long distance friends....although it is, if they actually read it.

I write because I like to.

So, when the topic comes up in my house about making my blog private we usually go around and around about the pros and cons. Back in the day, you know way back when blogging was new and exciting, I had many readers. I believe. It was evident in the many comments. But then 2008 hit, and blogging was so yesterday. But as someone who loves to write...Facebook just did not provide the same outlet. So although my readership dwindled, (at least comment-wise), I pressed on, because as I stated....I LOVE TO WRITE.

But now, I am asking the question. Is there really any reason not to make my blog private? I know that I have some non-commenting readers. I embrace you, oh shy ones. I have only a handful (or two) of registered followers, so inviting them to read would not be an issue. It is not what I would most like to do....but if so few are actually reading this, then why not?

Okay, now is your opportunity to say, "Oh, don't go Heidi Jo!"

I just want to know if what I am writing is relevant. Is it, or has it, touched you, made you think, made you laugh, made you question? I will be thinking on this one for a bit.

How is that for 'over-drama'? :o) You know you love my complex contradictions!

In the mood, or not.

I think I have mentioned a time or two that Chad and I are not especially good at gift giving. Not good at or just not all that apt to do it. So for most Christmases our gift will be something like, "Oh we're pregnant, having (and paying for) another baby is our gift to each other." Romantic as heck, huh? Chad just used the Cabela's gift card I thoughtfully purchased last Christmas to buy himself a wading jacket. I knew he'd put it to good use.

So when my husband walked up to me on the tourist filled streets of Hill City and said, "Here, don't say I never buy you gifts," and handed me a ring, I about peed my pants. It was a hippy-dippy-trippy mood ring. And although I have never been mistaken for a gypsy, I do have to say that I was quite impressed with the wearablity of it.

As I took it from him, still a bit in shock, I asked him what the occasion was. He replied, "It's a mood ring. It is just as much for me as it is for you. Maybe now the signs will be clear."

Okay, now I gotcha. I did not have the heart to burst his bubble. Instead I decided to play along with his fantasy that a simple ring's ability to change color could solve the communication mysteries of the female gender. Now when he asks me what color my ring is, I simply can respond with, "...it says I am definitely not in the mood."

Understanding the desires of my heart

There are certain phrases and scriptures that play in my brain and on my heart like a broken record. All courtesy of my loving and wise parents. Unlike a broken record, however, this is not something annoyingly repetitious. I rely on its repetition.

One of those gems is simply, "God will give you the desires of your heart."

I know that to be true.

But what I am learning is that it is much more complicated, and yet simple, than that. I believe fully that my parents, in their Godly wisdom, had come to this understanding in those years of my own faith formation, but thought it wiser to just keep the message simple, trusting God to reveal Himself in His perfect timing.

To immature ears and even greater immature faith that sounds an awful lot like a super-charged, super-natural wishing star! "I WANT A HAWAIIAN BARBIE! YES!"

But what I have come to learn and am still in the process of learning, is that my then immature thoughts were focused on the WANTS of my heart. Not the DESIRES. I do not know if we really understand desires until a much later age.

The difference? Well, I want a suburban. Or some equally obnoxiously large family vehicle. Really, really want one. In fact, when dwelt upon long enough, I can even convince myself that I need one. (Which is often the case when we focus on our wants.) But I desire to be home with my kiddos. Right now, the two do not coexist. Someday, perhaps. Not today. But God hears the desires of my heart, and provides all that we need, right now. I have a great vehicle that has proven reliable, roomy enough and affordable. So He already has given me my desires.

And so unlike a wishing star, He forms our heart to seek His ways. He knows before we do, what we want. He created us. He also knows that with a little pruning, a little grooming, a little instruction, we may come to see our desires as selfish or dangerous, or simply unnecessary at the present time. So while it may seem that He is neglecting us, He is patiently waiting on us, waiting for us to 'get it'.

Welcome home!

Last year, as the autumn air began to blow in, my husband and I gathered our five children along with a few American flags as we stood along the main street of our small town U.S.A. We watched as a caravan of soldiers, being deployed to Afghanistan, made their way down the streets of their home leading them on a journey that would challenge every portion of their being...as well as the hearts of those left behind. With tears streaming down my cheeks, I murmured into the sweet face of my infant, "This is the best of America baby. Right here. God speed and God bless them all!" She could not have understood. But I did not want the opportunity to pass without exposing her to the best that our country has to offer.

It was our sincere desire as a family to hold both the soldiers and their families up in prayer throughout their activation. We knew that little could be done physically to help. But NOT FORGETTING them while away, and not neglecting our duty as civilians and Christians, would be enough. So nightly we gathered as a family and although we prayed in general for all of the unit, the children named individually the soldiers we knew personally. While Chad and I prayed for their safe return and successful mission, the children would pray for the sons and daughters left behind with aching hearts. Many times tears were shed on behalf of their loss. But there was always hope.

One year later I prepare to gather my children together to witness the joyous celebration of their return. Even though we were affected so little by their departure, our prayer for them knit them into our hearts for eternity. It feels as though we have a long lost relative returning. And we could not be happier. I know that tears will be shed on this occasion as well. But tears of promises fulfilled and joy.

Again I will hold my little ones close and tell them that these are the BEST that America has to offer. Not only the soldiers wearing the uniforms, but the men and women left behind to stand tall and heroic in their absence. Thank you for all that you have given. May God's blessings continue to fall on your families.

The tan lines have begun to fade

Okay, so it is Fall. There is no denying it. Even if the calendar may argue that we have a few weeks of technical summer left, the cool nights and even cooler mornings speak to the truth of the matter.

Everywhere we look the signs are present. Boys running sprints in football pads, children with backpacks walking the sidewalks, sweaters replacing tanks, leaves that are beginning to lose their coats of green, and summer tan lines fading.

As much as I enjoy the season of summer, Fall holds my heart like none other. My love of summer is much more about the time I have with my children than it is an affection for swimming pools and flip-flops. And even though the start of school shortens each day my time with the kids, Fall is still something that I look forward to every year...once I get past the loss of time.

God is so amazing. His love for us is unchanging. He is unchanging.

And yet, knowing us in our simplistic minds, short attention spans, and our impatience with sameness....He gives us change. Seasonally. Knowing that our hearts grow weary with monotony, He renews the earth cyclically. Not for Himself, but for us. And so while my love of Summer was great and my heart is ever fond of Fall, I know that with each season's passing, something wonderful is in store. Right around the corner, with each leaf that falls and with the blowing wind. Everything God brings to us is good.

Livin' & Lovin' every minute

Van cram packed. Stroller tied securely to the roof rack. Kids buckled in amidst pillows, stuffed animals and BB guns. Puppy panting. We set out on a seven + hour adventure to one of our very favorite places, the beautiful Black Hills of South Dakota. Nary a hand-held gaming device, DVD player, nor iPOD/MP3 player in sight. We have vowed to make this the trip when mom loses the last remaining glimpses of sanity. So with packets-O-fun that mom created and endless hours to torment learn more about one another, we buckle in for what promises to be the adventure of a lifetime.

We were not disappointed.

Few things bring me greater joy than having my family together as a whole unit without deadlines, meetings, practices, and tug ropes pulling from every direction. But being surrounded by the beauty of God's handiwork while being out of cell phone reach is about as top-notch as it gets.

We spent several days just soaking it up, breathing it in and livin' and lovin' every minute of it.

packets-O-fun....

hike to falls in spearfish canyon

family picture at the cabin

livin' & lovin' in action

rock climbin' at sylvan lake

viewing a waterfall near lead after church

big girls with mama

me and nic

just me :o)

how great is our God? (sing with me)

i so love this guy

and i'm pretty certain he loves me too.

takin' some time to dig in the dirt

i love this picture of kate with her walking stick

a helpin' hand

every step is an adventure

bobbi got a bit tired out

every day is a winding road (in my best sheryl crow voice)