This mothering gig is an emotional roller-coaster and a bit more complicated than one might assume upon first glance. And no, I did not JUST realize that. But as with everything in parenting, the clarity of such sentiment is a constant ebb and flow.
There are so many missed messages blinking on my internal voice mail that I do not know whom or what to listen to sometimes.
If I hear one more time about the danger of 'losing oneself' while mothering, I may just strike something. Losing myself? I can't even find the matches to our socks, how in heaven's name can I be trusted NOT to lose myself? I imagine that the intellectual that thought that up has flat lined in the emotional IQ department. The only possible way NOT to lose myself with the people whom I love, would be to remove my heart from my chest. My very objective in life is to lose myself. Less of me, more of Him. Personally I do not see any other way.
And here is the thing: the less time I worry about what I want and what makes me happy and what my favorite things are and what I would do with my time if no one made demands of me, the more I realize that I never knew what that was in the first place. Lose myself...really? Is that the biggest thing I have to fear while mothering? Please people, if you find Heidi wandering around somewhere DO NOT GIVE HER DIRECTIONS BACK HERE. We are quite happy with the lady running the house who has totally LOST it.
3 comments:
I love this post Heidi!!!
Other than a tropical island with my husband, I cant think of a nicer place to be "lost"!
YUp! Zactly. But if you see me every once-in-a-while wondering down the road muttering profanities under my breath... just let me keep go. I'll come back once I've caught my breath. (Teenagers can do that to a parent sometimes). 8-0
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