the head and the heart

So many of the decisions that I make as a mom are reactionary.  Like, 'I-never-saw-that-one-coming-so-now-how-do-I-deal-with-it?'  Because, well, as a mom you just never know what is around the next turn.

Which is the exact opposite of how my husband makes decisions as a parent.

I guess that is what makes me the heart and him the head.

When I first heard the 'head/heart' analogy about marriage and family, I smirked at the simplicity of it.  As if the complicated relationship of marriage, and even more complicated relationship of parenting, could be reduced to something as simple as 'one is the head and one is the heart'.

However, the longer I am married---and the longer that I am a mother---I see the truth of the simplicity.

Now don't misunderstand.  My 'heart' role does not mean that I am not a 'thinker'.  Moms are always thinking.  And planning.  And 'what-if-ing'.  And worrying.  All that, while balancing a baby on hip, loading a washing machine, and cradling a telephone between shoulder and cheek.  Because you see, we are women FIRST.  We can multi-task.  And it doesn't mean that my husband is emotionally challenged.  It simply explains the difference in how and when we respond.

I think about how my son will feel if he's the only one without the cool basketball socks.  My husband thinks about how his son's feet will feel in white Hanes socks.  Any different?  Nope?  Okay then-white Hanes, it is.

My role as mom is so deeply grounded in the emotional well-being of my kids, while meeting their physical needs.  While dads role is so deeply grounded in their physical well-being, while fostering healthy emotions.  And somewhere in the middle is the beautiful coming together and mingling of the two, where we both seek to nurture the spiritual needs of our children.  I would never presume to say that I love my children more than my husband.  I love them differently, perhaps.

Very often as a mom, I play different mantras in my head.  Some days, they are not the holy and uplifting kind.  Sometimes I say things while sorting smelly laundry, like:  "Sure dad has a good job and works hard, but he has no idea what I do all day here!  He wouldn't last 10 minutes.  These kids are emotionally exhausting!  Seriously, do they even know how many times I've washed these CLEAN jeans?  Don't they KNOW how I feel?"  You know, the kind of internal dialogue that is loaded in self-centeredness and completely unhealthy.

But my God is so good.  He is so patient and forgiving.  Kind of like my Prince Charming.  Which makes God even better for having given me a man so near to His heart.

In those hectic moments and self-pity filled laundry-room tirades, He speaks to my heart.  Because, after all, that is my role in this marriage.

My daughter, fret not.  The body cannot function without its heart.  You- are that heart.  This home, these kids, this family rely on the steady heartbeat of their mama.  But let not pride fill your heart.  For even though a body needs its heartbeat, a heart alone is not enough.  The head is also needed.  The head balances the heart's reactions.  The head thinks and then feels.  One alone is not enough.  Be the heart.  And love deeply.  Feel deeply.  And pray for the other parts of this body, this family.  And let not discouragement and self-pity burden the heart.

My marriage is not a cookie-cutter example of any one behavioral study on relationships, anymore than yours.  We fit into some categories quite plainly, and others are somewhat reversed or less obvious.  But I have come to understand, and continue to pray to understand, just what my role as a mother and wife is.  Not as defined by popular culture and trends, but through the eyes of my Creator.  The one who created me, woman, and created my husband, man.  And gave us this amazing sacrament of marriage...where we get to be co-creators with Him.