My treasures...on the first day of school 2010

The whole gang...and Bobbi too.

Andrew Chad (4), pre-school.

Elizabeth Jo (16 mo.), HOME WITH MOMMY

Katharine Anne (6), 1st grade

Olivia Mary (8), 3rd grade

Nicholas David (9), 4th grade

This I pray

Dear Lord,

My heart is not hidden from you. You know exactly what my aching is all about. You, after all, placed the love for my children tenderly in my heart. You called me to this vocation of motherhood. As I send off my children today, to be instructed and educated not only in matters of reading, writing, and math, but also in their faith, I trust fully in your promises. I trust fully in You.

You know my children as well. Their hearts, their minds, their desires and their weakness.

Please Lord, be especially near to Nicholas as he trods back into an environment that challenges him both mentally and emotionally. May his confidence, strength and competitive nature be tempered with humility and love. May he act as an example of Christ and show compassion to the forgotten. Lord, bless Olivia with a holy confidence. Not in her ability but in the abilities that you alone have given her. May she exude a blessed assurance in whom you have created her to be. Unafraid and unashamed to stand up, stand out and be set apart, for you Christ, her savior. As Katharine's smile beams broadly across her face, Jesus may all those who come into contact with her feel the warmth of your love within her. May she bring others up whose spirits are low. May the joy of the Lord be her strength as she faces challenging educational obstacles. Lord God, as Andrew eagerly seeks knowledge may his heart also seek you. Let his passion for learning bring that of his classmates up as well. May he feel pride in what he accomplishes, but always remember that it is through you that he finds success.

For Chad and me, please give us wisdom and understanding as we counsel and guide our children through the joys and struggles of school. May we boldly claim our spiritual authority over them and take full responsibility in our roll as their first teachers. For the women that will teach our children, bless them. Please give them an abundance of strength, patience, compassion and wisdom. May they model hearts that are softened by a love for you oh Lord. Thank you Father, for your tender mercies and unfailing love. May this school year draw us closer to you as well as to one another.

In Christ Jesus,

Amen

Unnatural to my heart

The idea of collectively sending children out to be educated somewhere other than the home has existed for what...? Let's just say, a LONG time. It is as much a part of culture as is McDonald's. Okay, that was not my best example, but you catch my drift. Laura Ingalls was sent out by Ma and Pa to be schooled all those many years ago, and children are still lining up on playgrounds upon hearing the bells toll, today. It is as natural a thing as can be.

And yet, it feels so unbelievably unnatural to my heart.

It isn't a fear. It isn't a distrust. It isn't an inability to let go. But it is a loss.

I know that much is learned and much is acquired in the act of formal school attendance. There are teachers that offer so much that I can not give. And yet, to know that someone else spends seven and half hours a day watching my child laugh, hearing my child share thoughts, seeing my child succeed....it feels like I am missing out. Someone else, someone whom although they may feel great affection for my child, can not certainly love them as I, will spend more of my child's waking hours each day with them, than will I.

That does not feel natural. And it hurts my heart a wee bit. It also causes my eyes to leak from time to time.

I'm just saying...

...the best is yet to be!

So apparently I am aging. You know, like the biological process that begins at the very moment of conception. I know that physically I am not what I once was. Not entirely sure that I am okay with that, but it doesn't bring me much cause for concern either. I am not a wounded veteran of life....more like a decorated soldier.

The thing is, the body ages, but the heart and soul grow wiser.

Oh okay, so that might just be a coping mechanism that we aging folk use to defer the reality of what is. But with each year that passes, and each birthday that comes and goes, I am more and more certain that my heart is not aging. It most assuredly bears some stretch marks....but that just comes with the territory.

To all of my fellow decorated life soldiers....I share this Robert Browning poetic stanza. One that I have loved since my youth, but under appreciated until now.

“Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made. Our times are in his hand who saith, 'A whole I planned, youth shows but half; Trust God: See all, nor be afraid!'”

The greatest compliment I ever received

As I stood buttering his toast and preparing to spread the apricot jam on, Nic proclaimed:

"Mom, you are REALLY good at being a mom." And in one smooth motion he swung his lanky arm around my waist.

What got me more than anything was when and why he said it. It was not because I was buying him the hand-held video device that he has painfully been denied. It was not because I allowed him a few extra minutes of computer time, or an extra hour before bed. It was not because I took him to his favorite restaurant and purchased his favorite meal. And it wasn't even because the jam I was spreading was hand-made by me. (My mom, however, is amazing!)

It had nothing to do with stuff. It was just his heart speaking what he himself could not really understand because he knows nothing different. He was just thankful that I am here.

What, does this sound like bragging? Gloating? Pride? Really it is just extreme thankfulness... and well folks, I am taking it while I can, because I am pretty certain that tomorrow will bring out at least one or two 'worst mom ever' awards.

F.R.O.G. in' it

Do you live your life with no regrets?

Do you close your eyes at night and know that whatever you have done today is the best that it could have been? All that it should have been? All that you wanted it to be? Do the people whom you love know that you gave them the best of yourself, not just what was leftover?

Would you believe that there are many days when I pull out of an embrace from my husband because I am distracted by the dinner I am attempting to prepare? Would you believe that I sit the book down that my four-year-old hands me in hopes of a story so that I can finish folding the laundry? Would you believe that some mornings I am annoyed by some insignificant over-sight on my husband's part that I do not respond to his "I love you" as he walks out the door for work? Would you believe that I do not return the phone call of my mother on occasion because I do not want to accept the delay that it will make in my schedule?

I would have regret.

I have changes to make.

But that is what the cycle of life and learning are all about. Understanding. And change.

It is what we are called to do. Grow beyond our comfort to the place that stretches us to be more than we are capable of on our own. To the place where what we have to offer just is not enough. We must FROG it. Fully Rely On God for the strength, the patience, the love that is needed to live in the place we are called to be without regret.

The Arnold Brother's Story

Understanding His ways

Our human nature wants so badly to make sense of the senseless. When something can be explained, it is not nearly as frightening. In tragedy we grasp desperately at explanations and causes. Trying, in our weakness, to understand.

Sometimes we even bring God down to our level. We attempt to simplify His ways into the realm and scope of what our human minds can grasp and emotionally handle. Saying things that ease our minds....but not our hearts. "It was God's plan." Was it? Really? Or does that ease our troubled minds even if leaving our hearts gaping?

We are funny creatures. When suits us, God is quite simple. And then in other matters, God is quite complicated. Maybe, just maybe, we are not meant to understand it all. Maybe, just maybe, there in lies the substance of our faith. Things hoped for...things yet unseen. God's ways are not our ways.

The really amazing thing though, that in tragedy...even if our presumptions and attempts at understanding fall miles short of the Truth---God is totally and completely okay with that. He is so unbelievably loving and all knowing that He can handle everything our human minds, the one's that He himself formed, can possibly come up with for explanations. It does not challenge His authority nor worry Him to see one of His beloved children question. Anger, doubt, fear, worry....He can handle that too.

And as we struggle and kick and fight against the breaking of our hearts---He waits, He allows us the time it takes to grieve. He knows it is part of our own healing. And when we are ready, He draws us in. He holds those broken pieces and lovingly restores them to something of beauty.

Remembering a hero

I have known the Arnold family for as long as I can remember. As a little girl, I sat in church alongside, and grew up worshiping with them. I knew Ryan through our time as teenagers, attending Youth Group on Wednesday nights and growing in our faith under the same leadership. I remember long, hot van rides to summer camps. And late summer nights at the lake as a group of Christian teens just trying to keep Jesus the focus of our lives.

Then we grew up. Ryan became a husband and father. And I never got to see him in those roles, but have no doubt that he was one in a million. I witnessed his father's love and devotion to Christ and his family and I am certain that Ryan mirrored his own father's love. And in these past few days, Ryan mirrored his Heavenly Father's love as well.

Ryan's older brother, Chad, suffered from liver disease, a disease that was finally trying to take his life. Ryan was his healthy, younger, brother.

As Chad was placed on the list for organ donation, Ryan selflessly offered part of his own liver to save his brother's life. A liver, that was a perfect match for Chad. An offering that could not have come without doubts, fear, and much faith.

On the evening of July 28th, the Arnold families gathered together in Colorado to do what they had done so many times before....pray, laugh and share communion. The surgeries were scheduled for the next morning.

In the first reports, all went amazingly well for both Chad and Ryan. Chad's body immediately accepted his brother's liver and started the healing process, almost instantly. Color came back into Chad's face and by the next day he was already up and walking around the hospital. And although Ryan's body was weary after the surgery, the pain and discomfort felt was nothing unexpected given all that he had just endured.

Sometime during the night of July 31, Ryan's heart stopped beating, and although he was resuscitated, his family believes that his spirit went to Jesus. In the days that followed he was kept on life support while doctors tried to determine if he exhibited any brain activity. His family called on all to pray and believe for a miracle.

Ryan was removed from life-support on the evening of August 2, 2010.

And although the miracle most hoped for was not seen, those of us who know this family, know this offering of love and know this God....are confident that the miracles yet unseen will be greater than ever imagined.

John 15:13 says, "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."

Ryan's sacrifice is the most perfect example of Christ that I have ever witnessed. And while Ryan is in heaven surrounded by the glory of God, his family mourns heavily. His wife, Shannon along with his three, adorable boys, will know loss that is undefinable. They will need our prayers now more than ever.

This song says it all.

Hartford Beach Twenty Ten

There are a lot of reasons why Chad and I like to camp.

Most of those reasons have very little to do with the ease of the endeavor. Let's face it, five kids in a pop-up camper, transported in a mini-van poked chalk full of gear and grub, does not paint a very serene and care-free picture. At least not in my book.

The reasons are shown most poignantly here, in pictures.

We camp to learn.

They are living, loving examples of putting others first.

We camp for development. Exploration is exhilarating.

We camp for perspective. We feel grounded in nature.

We camp for summer recreation.

We camp for memories. Cousins that are also best friends.

We camp for simplicity.

We camp for laughter.

We camp for beauty.

We camp for silliness.

We camp for togetherness.

We camp for siblings.

We camp for family.

A state worth setting up residence in

Contentment.

Sometimes I think that my contentment in the simplicity of my life, unnerves people.

It seems too, I don't know.....simple.

I have been in a lot of states. Many of which are very nice. But none do I like as well as the State of Contentment. I arrived here by following only one road map. The map of all maps. The Holy Bible.

Job 36:11

"If they obey and serve him,
they will spend the rest of their days in prosperity
and their years in contentment."


Proverbs 19:23

"The fear of the LORD leads to life:
Then one rests content, untouched by trouble."


Philippians 4:11

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances."


1 Timothy 6:6

"But godliness with contentment is great gain."

It's all here, in the heart drive

I realized something. It is very difficult to be a mommy and a keeper-of-all-memories-extraordinaire at the same time. Okay, simply put, I have not mastered the art of taking pictures while also joining in the fun!

Recently we made a spur of the minute trip to a water park very near us. I saw the extreme discounted tickets for evening hours only available on the second Tuesday of the month. Which I loved simply because as a kid I was always waiting for the second Tuesday of next week. The magical day when all of my badgering requests would be met...according to my father.

Off we headed. And we even managed to snag an extra kid and talk some spontaneous friends into joining us as well. I love it when everything just works.

I had plans of snapping up photo after photo of Ms. Lolly waddling through the spray grounds, Andrew riding the alligator, Kate skimming across the top of the log crossings, Olivia rounding the falls in the lazy river, and Nic flying over crashing waves in the wave pool.

Nothing. Notta. Zilch. Zip.

I was too involved in the fun to stop and snap any photos. I was also praying intently as my six, eight, nine and 36 year-olds attempted the Death Drop Free Fall, whatever, it's the same ending. Oye! I suppose I could have tried to get a photo, but the only reflex that finely toned in this body is my scream button! I would have gotten the slide long after their tiny bodies had sliced through the water like a knife.

It is a good thing that my internal memory card is not full. I think I still have a few mega bytes left. It is all stored there. In my heart drive.

According to Andrew

"MOM! MOM! MAMA!" the excited shouts had me wondering what on earth Andrew was so eager to tell me.


"Yes, Andy, I'm in here...what is it?" I responded.


"Guess what mom! Both of my noses are all better!"

The perpetual weekend

When Michelle, over at Six in the City, first introduced her Bits of my Weekend post on Monday's I was all over it. I loved the opportunity to explore other people's weekend activities while sharing mine as well. And for the first several months it worked.

But then summer came. And I realized while downloading my photos on a Sunday night that much of what I took pictures of on Wednesday was as exciting and 'weekend' like as what I was doing on a Saturday.

It was then that I realized that my summer is really nothing less than a perpetual weekend. Obviously minus the love of my life's presence.

How blessed am I? Crazy blessed. Isn't that what summer felt like as a kid? One long, fun-filled weekend?

So here is how I spent a Monday, in a fantasy land...of sorts. Which felt strangely like a Friday. Or any other day of the week for that matter!

Summer Bucket List

Sharpie in hand, I grabbed my extra large sketch paper and sat down with the family at dinner recently.

"What things do you each most want to do with the remaining days of summer?" I inquired.


Blank stares. Crickets chirping.


Then back to the chitter-chatter of who hates green beans the most.

I tried again, "Guys, summer doesn't last forever. What things do you want to do before school starts?"

---"School's starting? Already?"

---"I don't even have a back pack yet!"

---"Do I get to go to school tomorrow too?"

---"Does that mean we have to go to bed early now?"



They heard..."blah blah blah blah---school starts."

Using my husband's merriment, seen in his eyes, as patience, I tried yet again. I explained that summer was about half way through. We would not be starting school for many, many days yet, but I wanted to know what things they would most like to do with the time that we had left.

I think they got it this time. We complied a summer 'bucket list' of sorts, or otherwise titled: Things we'd like to do before summer ends. The rules were simple. Anything goes. No one is to be laughed at or teased for their input. Not all requests can be met. But all dreams are worth sharing.

One by one we threw out our ideas. Parents included. Our list varied from a game of family kickball in the park to a trip to the Black Hills. From Andrew's request of a campfire in the back yard..."WITH MARSHMALLOW'S" to Dad's date night with the girls. The ideas were simple and unique and all worthy of sharing.

I wrote them down in the rapid fire tempo they were tossed out. Occasionally stopping to add my own two cents. Then, when the rhythm seemed to be slowing and the page filling, I taped it to the pantry door.

"Mom, will we really do ALL those things?" Olivia asked.

I responded honestly, "I don't know honey. We'll do as many as we can. Most are pretty simple and doable. And the ones that we don't, I imagine we'll find something else equally as fun to replace it with!"


What about you? What do you want to do with your summer before the bells toll?

Still opinionated...just not as loudly, all the time

It has been a while since I let the opinionated heidijowhatdoyouknow out of the closet. At least here on my blog. Those who live with me get to visit with her daily. Lucky fools.

I am not sure what exactly has changed in my heart, but something has, clearly. God is so cool like that. Shaping and molding us into more than our sinful nature could conceive. Not implying that it is sinful to have an opinion.

Some of you may even miss my fact-less, rambling rants. You know the ones where you sit back reading and shake your head thinking, "boy she just stepped into the you-don't-want-to-go-there-girl zone." Which I bravely stupidly did many times.

I even had an entire post written up about a topic that got sparked in the notorious world of FB. I wrote on and on, quite eloquently I might add, using great concern to drive my opinion home. I felt the old controversial juices flowing and I let my fingers run across the keyboard lighting the page up with words of wisdom.


Then I stepped away from my computer, feeling quite proud of the points I had complied in a persuasive attempt to enlighten a few minds.

I went back to life. I laughed with my kids on the living room floor while reading a book. I drove my family to a ball game. I made a meal and cleaned it up. I went to bed. I opened my blogger account and hit delete.

Not because I felt shame or condemnation for anything I had written. It is a message that quite possibly needs to be said. But not by me. Not today. Right now, I need to just live and enjoy my blessings. Because that is what I know the most about.

Never fear though. If you enjoy seeing me stick my foot into my mouth, it will happen again. Probably later today. Here on the blog, I will express plenty of opinions to keep you all entertained. Occassionally however, I may just have the good sense to let it go.

A Mid-summer's Confessional:

The kids have not done one.single.school.worksheet. Not one.

~But we have listened to, sang along with, and jumped around to Jack Hartman's Math Mix.


We have borrowed more movies from the public library than books.

~In my defense, we do not have cable, our only 'kid stocked' movie store closed, and we have a children's reading library equivalent in our own home.


Not one single craft project done, because not one single craft project started.

~Well, nothing new there.


The cleaning and re-organizing that needed to be done shortly after children 3 through five arrived has yet to be completed.

~I am waiting it out in case a child 'six' should take us by surprise. Wouldn't want to do it twice.


There have been no major family vacations embarked upon.

~But let's face it, with five kids, 'major' pretty much describes a trip to the grocery store.


The summer schedule and routine that I dreamed of has yet to be implemented.

~Yeah, I realize it is July. That means I still have half the summer to perfect it!


Okay, I could go on. And on. And on. But I think that you get the point. Just what have we been doing? Good question. That, my bloggity friends, is for another post.


Let's just say, I am working on some awesome tan lines.

Bits of my weekend....on a Tuesday

The Fourth of July is fantastic enough but add to that a celebratory float in the parade for Noah's 'one year later' victory and it just does not get much better than that! Fourteen of Jim and Joyce's 16 grandchildren along with their parents rode on the float that just happen to win "Best in Show"!

Nic and Noah

The whole gang!

Family picture

Onto another parade in another town

We got to be spectators there

Then visiting with cousins from the 'other' side

Poolin' it in Clark

Andrew is in human launch mode!

Evie & Liv takin' the plunge!

Me & Ms. Lolly watchin' the fireworks

The kids

Back the other direction, to celebrate with friends.

Very good friends.

F*I*R*E*W*O*R*K*S!

YAY AMERICA!

A special young woman with a special little girl

Tryin' to stay awake for the big show!

As always, we had a fabulous weekend.

Life is just too darn good!

What about ya'll? How'd you celebrate?